On Law and Order

So, I have a confession to make. I love the TV show "Law and Order." The original series, not the spin-offs like whatever that one's called where the detective solves all his cases by making the suspect quake with fear and blurt out confessions as a result of the detective's uncanny ability to read minds. And the older seasons. The first four or five. Not the ones where Sam Waterston's assistant is a different bimbo every season. Once Jill Hennessy and Chris Noth left, it was not nearly as good. So, I was trying to figure out why in the world a public defender, like myself, likes this show.

Even though the former Chief Public Defender informed my boss that she did not believe me to be "sufficiently defense oriented" to be a public defender at one point (whatever that means), I certainly am not prosecution oriented. I have too much of a tendency to believe the best in people, I think. You know, "He didn't mean to beat his girlfriend to a bloody pulp. He was drunk and she was cheating on him." Or, "He had to forge $15,000 in checks he stole from his grandmother because he's got 5 kids to support and couldn't make rent with his minimum-wage job." I believe them when they say they'll never do it again, or they'll get help for their addiction problem and walk the straight and narrow. At least I believe they sincerely intend to at the time, even if it doesn't pan out in the end. (By the way, this is also probably why I would be a lousy judge, even if I wanted the power or the responsibility.)

So why do I love this show that is all about the other side? I think I've figured it out. This is the only lawyer show I've seen that treats the justice system with respect. And, it treats public defenders with respect. It treats the law and the Constitution with respect. The detectives are good cops, who try to do their jobs properly, and within the bounds of the law. It's true they really want to catch the guy they think is guilty and "nail" them. But they don't try to nail someone they think may be innocent just to make an arrest. They actually do care about getting the right guy. The ADAs actually do care about justice, as well as the rights of the individuals they prosecute. They will dismiss cases if they become convinced that they can not prove them or if they are no longer sure the guy's actually guilty. Also, while there aren't frequently public defenders on the show (the defense attorney's usually some very expensive private attorney with political ambitions or some other agenda) when they do, they aren't depicted as incompetents. They are shown as competent, or even very good attorneys. There's at least one episode where the pd wins the trial.

My answer to myself is this: I like the show because it is what the justice system is supposed to be. An adversarial system on a level playing field whereby the truth comes out. And this results (usually) in the innocent guy being cleared and the guilty guy being punished. (Although for you new lawyers out there, don't use it to learn rules of evidence or trial techniques!)

Two!

Two brightly-colored, springy, fluffy, made-all-by-myself socks! (Ha, ha, ha.)




Granted, the second sock took a lot longer than the first. But I was doing other things than fueling my newly-found knitting obsession. Going on vacation, having many trials, having my family over, trying to remember how to play violin, etc. But somehow, work seems so much more meaningful when there are other things going on in my life. I'm not sure why that is, exactly. But it seems that whenever I can think of nothing besides my clients, cases, and judges; nothing is very fun. Maybe it's about stepping back. Maybe because I now am doing other things that I enjoy, I can step back from my clients and their problems and see them more in perspective. Not to say I no longer care about my clients and their problems: in fact I seem to care about them more. But I no longer live and die by whether they are in or out of jail or whether I lose their trials. So I guess now that I'm doing some things that make just me happy, I can expend more emotional energy on their problems. I have the emotional energy to expend. Does this make sense?



Oh, and part of this feel-good-about-work thing is about a strange encounter I had the other day: I was at the Wal-Mart and this lady comes up to me. She looked vaguely familiar, but for the life of me, I couldn't fathom where I knew her from. It turns out that she was on the jury panel I had for two of my trials last month. Inexplicably, I had two trials, a week apart with the same panel. (That is, the big group of people from whom the twelve jurors are chosen. Here, they use four 60-person panels that serve for a given month.) Anyway, this lady explains that she was on that particular panel, she served on one jury, but not the other. She tells me that she really enjoyed me, that she liked me, and wished me good luck. (It wasn't until several hours later that I was actually able to figure out which juror she was, and remembered that I really liked her too! The State struck her in the second trial.) It just gave me pause to think that Jane Citizen would make the effort to compliment me in that fashion. And it seemed extra-strange that she would do so after being on the first jury, which convicted my guy within 15 minutes! (That part didn't surprise me at all, although I did figure I would have more of a chance if she ended up being the foreman. She wasn't.) I mean it struck me as an amazing thing that a juror on a DWI case (a HUGE social issue here) would walk up to the guilty guy's lawyer in the Wal-Mart and compliment me like that. It kinda gave me warm fuzzies...



Anyway, I seem to be rambling a bit, so I'll stop. I'm waiting for the pics of the socks to upload. There seem to be "blogger connectivity" issues...

A Response to Futility

I'm not sure what it is, but lately, so many people around me are acting as though everything is futile. Maybe it's the job we do. Or maybe it's got something to do with a 23-year-old kid gunning down over 30 people for no reason anyone can comprehend. But over and over again, I keep hearing that there's no point to working up a trial (for example) because we're just going to lose anyway. Or why should we get involved in anything, because no one is going to listen.

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course if you go into a thing believing it will fail, you aren't going to put all you can into it. Therefore, it probably will fail. If you speak out on something believing no one will listen to you, they won't. Why should they, if you don't believe what you say is important enough to be listened to?

I can't tell you how many trials I've won that I thought I was going to lose. I also cannot tell you how many clients I've had who lost their trials and thanked me profusely for trying for them, even though it didn't work. I've also had clients who wrote me letters while juries were deliberating, that said, in different words, "no matter how it comes out, thank you for helping me." I've had clients that took plea bargains, rather than going to trial, and ended up in prison who still wrote me letters about how they appreciated what I'd done for them.

I know it's an over-used cliche, but life really is a journey. It's not only about results. Don't get me wrong, results are great. I'm happy about good results and upset about bad ones. (It's the perfectionist in me, I think.) But that's not all there is to either this job, or to life. When I'm on my death-bed and I'm thinking about the life I've led, I'm not going to say, "I wish I'd won that trial," or "I wish I'd made more money." I'm (probably) going to say, "I wish I'd been kinder to more people," or "I wish I'd tried harder to help them." I don't know if you all have noticed, but the people around you notice when you try to help them. Especially if there haven't been many people who've tried to help them in the past. And isn't that what this job, and this life, are about?

When put in this context, how can anyone say something is futile? We have no way of knowing what the "results" will be of our actions, or how our actions will affect those around us. Our purpose is simply to try. To help. To show kindness.

Appreciation Unlooked-for

Every year (mostly) the local bar association holds a dinner-dance party thing for all the lawyers in the county. It's usually kind of fun, since you get to talk to other lawyers who you don't necessarily see regularly, and you get to watch the older generation loosen up a bit. We younger-generation public defenders don't really frequent the same social circles as the older, more established attorneys do. There's usually a cocktail party thing prior to the actual dinner, and last night, a bunch of us went back to the cocktail party after the dinner to kind of hang out for a while.

Anyway, when we were heading out and saying our good-byes and thank-yous, an attorney I don't talk to very much began a conversation with me. I mean I know him to say hi to, but that's about it. He started out by informing me that civil practice isn't about chasing money. His practice has made him very comfortable, don't get me wrong. But nothing compared to what our host had, at least judging by the house we were in and the vehicles in the driveway! I honestly think that the lawyer I was speaking with really enjoys doing what he does, and would do it even if he wasn't going to have his father's practice handed over to him in a few years. Then, kind of abruptly, this attorney holds out his hand over the bar for me to shake it (he was acting bar-tender at the moment) and thanks me for doing what I do. I must have appeared a little confused, because he then tells me of a guy who called him this week needing an attorney to represent him in a criminal case, and it took him all of 2 minutes to realize that there was no way this guy could pay him. So the attorney informs the guy of this, tells him to get a public defender, and then hangs up the phone. I don't believe this was out of greed or anything, this attorney does take his fair share of pro bono cases. The attorney then reaches out his hand for me to shake it again, and tells me that he really appreciates what I do, and he thanks me again.

The first thing that entered my head in response to this conversation was that I don't do this for him, I do it for the guy on the phone. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe I do do it for him, in a way. I really am glad that he can practice the type of law he enjoys without feeling obliged to take this guy's case when he has no desire to do so. I'm also happy that he can refer this guy to our office without worrying whether he will receive good representation. I realized then that I not only do this to assist our clients, I do this to assist the community by fulfilling a societal need that most people would prefer to ignore altogether.

Happy MLK Day!

I never really thought before about the similarities between the fight for racial equality and the fight for justice for those accused of crimes. But the two battles are similar. As public defenders, we try to protect the rights of those who many people wish had no rights at all. Dr. King fought for equal rights for people whose rights were ignored because of their skin color. As public defenders, we do not fight in a battle field with armies, but in courtrooms across the land. Dr. King also did not use violence to make his point, but fought with demonstrations and marches such that he could not be ignored. Both battles involve standing up for what you believe in the face of overwhelming dissent. Both battles continue on as progress is measured in small, barely noticeable increments and both encounter numerous, seemingly insurmountable obstacles. I am proud to be part of this great battle the goal of which is to enable every person to have the protection of the rights guaranteed us in the Constitution of these United States.

Has it Really Been Five Years?!?

An Update:

My co-workers did make me a T-Shirt to commemorate. It says, "I've been a public defender for 5 years and all I get is a lousy T-shirt." It was sweet.

*******

Original Post:

Yes! Much to my astonishment, and to the astonishment of the former Chief Public Defender of New Mexico who said she did not think I was "sufficiently defense oriented" for this job, today is my fifth anniversary as a public defender here in Podunk, New Mexico. (Well, technically, it's not until Sunday, but I'm blogging now and may not be in the mood then.) I am not expecting a watch or a plaque or anything, because I doubt that anyone who would be in a position to give me those things has noticed. But that is fine with me. If I were doing this for recognition, I am in the wrong line of work!

Regardless, this has caused me to be somewhat introspective today. This was the first job I had out of law school. When I began, unlike many others who graduated with me wanting specifically to be public defenders, I was not interested in Making a Difference in the cosmic sense. I did not want to bring Justice to the world at large. I did not have an Ideology I wanted to put into put into practice. I did not want to Fight the Power. Those things were, and still are, too grand for me. I am a small person with a small reach. I do not have, nor do I want, power, fame, or influence. I cannot hope to Change the World.

I can, however, help people. Not People, as in all people, but individuals. I help them to navigate this bizarre and arcane world of courts and laws, which is hard even for educated and articulate people to deal with, much more so for the poor and uneducated. I speak for them, even when no one else will. Not to the legislature, or to the media, but to the man who has the big hammer and the power to take them from their homes and families. I cannot say I've made my clients into law abiding citizens. But I can say that I have changed some of my client's lives for the better. And that is plenty of reward for me.

I had one client a year or two ago, probably about 20 years old. All the police officers knew him and his family. The police were always so sure that he was using and/or dealing drugs (they were probably not wrong) that they would constantly question him, search him, and arrest him. They were so gung-ho about sending him to prison that they neglected such niceties as having probable cause to arrest and reasonable suspicion for searches. The first case I represented him on was dismissed by the prosecutor after I filed a motion to suppress an illegal search. While this was pending, he picked up another. This one the Judge dismissed because of an illegal search. While both of these were pending, he picked up a 3rd case with an illegal arrest. This one pled down to a misdemeanor with no jail time and no probation. When all was said and done, all his felonies were dismissed. The best part about this, though, was not the outcome of his criminal cases. He had somehow come through all this with a new lease on life. He resolved to get clean, stay clean, get a legitimate job, and support his new wife and child. He wrote me a poem. It wasn't Shakespeare, but it was sincere. In it, he thanked me for helping him. He wrote that if I had not stood up for him, he would not have had any desire to change. The idea that there were people who could help him on the right path showed him that the world was not always out to get him. He wrote that I helped him to see that there is more to this world than courts and jails and drugs and gangs. He hasn't been arrested since. This is why I do this.

Even if I never get another acquittal. Even if I never have another client thank me. I helped someone change their life. This makes it all worth it. This is why I am proud to be a public defender.

Of my friends who wanted so desperately to be public defenders in law school, only one is still a public defender in addition to me. All the others moved on when they discovered that to Change the World, you need more power and influence than you have being a public defender. They were frustrated by the perceived futility of what we do. They were depressed by how far reality can be from their shining ideals. I am not. I have known for a long time that this world, and the justice system, are not perfect. And as long as imperfect people are running the world and the courts, they probably won't be. But I am happy knowing that as small and insignificant I am, I can do things that sometimes make a large difference in the lives of individual people. And I do not care that no one has ever heard of the people I have helped. I do not care that it is rarely front-page news (and when it is, usually the headline is something like, "Criminal Gets Off on Technicality"). The bottom line is, this is fulfilling to me. And it does make a difference (small letters). And I look forward to posting in another five years how I have been doing this for a decade.

Public Pretender

As I sadly have no baseball games to watch as a result of the most fantastic example of crash-and-burn I have ever witnessed in the Word Series, I have been amusing myself by keeping up with the public defender vs. private attorney debate on the blogosphere, and here, and here ,and don't forget this one, all brought on by this article. Rather than commenting on everyone else's blogs (although check out some of the comments already there, they're pretty good), or on this singularly uninformed woman's article (she seemed to get quite snippy at the comments of others), I figured I would say what I think in my own way.

I think people should know something of what they are speaking about before purporting to give advice on a topic. Especially legal advice. After all, this is what lawyers are for. This woman seems to be something of a cross between Martha Stewart and Dear Abby, given her other articles, e.g. edible craft projects for kids and tips for washing walls. Her knowledge of public defenders and criminal defense in general can be seen from the title of her article, "Should I Hire a Public Defender?" One does not hire public defenders, as they are free by definition. While different jurisdictions have different rules about qualification for a public defender, they are required not to charge people with no money to pay them. One of my favorite lines was, "Unless you want to risk spending time in jail, hire a lawyer directly, even if it means making payments to the lawyer, charging the expense, or borrowing the money to secure good legal help." Now, if a person charged with a criminal offense actually has any of those options open to them, they are obviously not indigent, and therefore should not have the services of a public defender in the first place. Additionally, if they are not facing the risk of jail time, they also are not entitled to free legal representation. I would also like to know her basis for the assertion that, "Since a public defender is paid by the state, a public defender isn't earning as much as a lawyer hired directly. A public defender earns about $65 an hour on average." If anyone knows any public defender making that much, could they please let me know where they are working so I can apply with that office? Now, I'm pretty bad at math, but according to my off-the-cuff guess, that's at least three times what I make.

The article then goes on to say what we in the profession are used to hearing: "Public defenders push their clients to plead guilty, even when guilt is in question. A client pleading guilty is an easy case for a public defender." Now, obviously, a case that results in an early plea is an easier case and takes up much less time than a case that goes to trial, especially if it goes to trial with many witnesses and exhibits. It's not just an easier case for a public defender, it's an easier case for any attorney. The difference is this: We get paid the same, whether we spend all weekend preparing a case for trial, or if it pleads. I have told my clients in the past, especially on cases where there really isn't a viable defense, but he's not that thrilled with the plea offer, that I honestly don't care whether we have trial or not. I like trials. This is part of why I do this. On the other hand, private attorneys charge by the hour. If your case goes to trial, he gets more money. But usually not enough more to make it worth while spending the billable hours on a drug possession case, when he could be doing a will, or a divorce, or a bankruptcy for which he gets a flat fee and they take about 10 minutes. Further more, if you can't afford to pay him enough to make it worth his while to do the trial, see how fast you end up pleading! Or he'll withdraw from representing you.

Now I know some public defenders who do push clients to plead guilty. They put in their 8 hours, and take home their paycheck like this was some kind of factory. I know public defenders who haven't had a trial in 3 years. I also know private attorneys who behave this way. They take all they can get from the client on retainer, spend 10 minutes with them going over they plea, and then 10 more doing the plea, and then they're done. I've known private attorneys who promise people that if they are hired, they can get the defendant out of jail.

All this being said, I've never felt offended by a client who asks if I will fight for them. He has a right to know. I've never felt offended when a client hired private counsel. I have felt sad on occasion, because I knew what kind of lawyer he hired, but never offended. One of my sweetest juvie clients came into my office for his initial appointment with his mother. The case was going to trial because both the kid and the mother were adamant that the kid was innocent, and he probably really was. His mother kind of grilled me, but in a nice way. She asked me how long I'd been practicing law, how many trials I'd done, and things like that. She asked me forthrightly whether it would be better for her son if she hired a private attorney. I told her it depends on the attorney. I also told her that yes, I do have many clients, and it sometimes does take a while to return phone-calls, etc. If what she wanted was daily updates on the status of the case, I cannot provide that. But I will take the case to trial, if that is what the son wants, and I will prepare for trial, and do everything I can do to see that we win. I then went into specifics on the steps I would take on her son's case. She was happy with that explanation, and we did win the trial. Now it is true that I'm not the best at the hand-holding aspect of this job. I'm simply too busy. But I don't hold it against someone if they think that is what they need. Or if they think an attorney they pay will work harder for them.

What does really tick me off about this public pretender reputation is when people who should know better spread this around. There was a incident not too long ago in which a well-know private attorney informed a full courtroom that the reason one of my clients was in jail was because she hadn't hired him, but had me. And I was only a public pretender. I honestly thought I was going to slap the man! It also looked like the judge (who likes me) was considering hitting him as well.

A Disclaimer

It occurs to me, that some people who find my blog may be expecting something different than what is here. Let me explain:

I am a public defender, and very proud of it. I love what I do, and would not do anything else for any money. I do what I do because it is in me to do it. I've known it is what I was meant to do since the age of 13, an age where most kids do not know what a public defender is. My work controls much of my thoughts, emotions, and time.

However, there is much more to me than being a public defender. This is a blog about my life, hence the title, not only my job. Being a public defender has formed and shaped much of who I am, and will continue to do so. It does not encompass all of who I am. Therefore, do not be surprised when the occasional political rant appears, or I digress about other things that are important to me. I hope that this does not discourage anyone from reading what I have to say. That being said, I will continue to post what I like, whether it is related to being a public defender or not. I began this blog for myself: to say what I want to say, with little thought to making any type of public statements or pleasing anyone else. If anyone doesn't like what I have to say, or is offended by it, I am truly sorry. You have a right not to like it. But I also have a right to write it.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of
religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble...

U.S. Const. Amend. I

My Good Deed

Today, I helped someone that I didn't have to, that wasn't my client, it's just that she needed help. Maybe that's why I got into this business in the first place.

This lady shows up in our office, all in a flummox. She had a warrant from 2002 on a case that should have been dismissed in 2000 and was pending extradition from Arizona (where she now resides) on that warrant. So, in a nutshell, she needed the warrant from 2002 got rid of so she doesn't have to sit in jail in Arizona waiting for New Mexico to come get her when she was here in New Mexico to try to get the matter (that she had no idea was still around) resolved.

So, I spent this afternoon calling the court here, calling the court in Arizona, calling the sheriff's office in Arizona, driving her to the court here, arguing with the judge here, and faxing an Order Quashing Warrant back and forth to everyone, all to get this poor lady out of having to sit in an Arizona jail for 30 days. In the end, the judge here quashed the warrant, the Sheriff's Deputy (a very helpful woman!) promised to dismiss her extradition case in Arizona and get her off the Arizona judge's court list for tomorrow, and she won't have to go to jail either here or in Arizona.

This makes me feel good. She wasn't my client, but I helped her anyway. I fixed her problem. She was so appreciative she almost cried. And she was trying so hard to do the right thing. Maybe this is why I do this after all.

And sometimes there are good days!

My guy got discharged from probation and out of jail. He had (only) been waiting for a hearing for 2 months. I *don't* have 2 trials set for the same day. (Thursday). Certain internal office difficulties got ironed out in a very good way. The prairie-dogs and horses that live behind the office were in very good moods. I think it's the weather: cold in the morning and still getting up to 75 in the afternoon.

The prairie dogs are so cute getting all fat and happy in preparation for hibernation. They look happy anyway. They're definitely getting fat. I think prairie dogs hibernate, anyway. I'll have to google it. We have probably 20 of them making a village behind the office since spring. There are also horses and cows in the adjoining field. There's a colt and a filly as well. They're getting almost grown-up size. They were very frolic-y today. It looks like so much fun to eat grass and roll around without a care in the world. I figure if prairie-dogs and horses and cows can all co-exist like this, people will figure it out eventually. Or, if not, watching the prairie-dogs and horses and cows is definitely a happy diversion from life and the law.

All and all, a very positive day.

Well, I'm on the bandwagon!

I figured that since I've been commenting so much on other people's blogs, it's only fair to give them the same opportunity! So, here it is...

About the title: I am always being asked what I do, and why, and I never seem to have a good answer. I've told various people various reasons why I'm a public defender, and those reasons have all been true. But none of them really answer the question. Possibly I really don't know the answer to that question. But considering that I've been doing this for nearly 5 years with no end in sight, there must be some reason for it!

I mean, it's a fairly thankless job. For example, I spent nearly all afternoon preparing for a trial tomorrow that I'm almost certain to lose. I hate losing, by the way. Even if I win, the guy isn't getting out of jail. He's got another trial set for Wednesday that he is even more likely to lose. One certainly doesn't win popularity contests defending indigent people charged with crimes. No one wants "criminals" to "get off on technicalities." Even in the legal community, public defenders are pretty much tolerated as necessary for the system to function. My own clients would prefer to have a "real" lawyer, rather than me. They want to know whether a "real" lawyer could get them out of jail. I can't tell you how many times I've had to clarify that yes, I am really a lawyer, I did graduate law school, and I do have a law license!

Maybe that's part of why I do it, though. I am needed: To defend people who need defending, and no one else feels they "deserve" it. To ensure that people's rights are not violated, when even they don't appreciate what I do. To not allow our Constitution or the principles of freedom and justice upon which our country was built to be trampled upon for the sake of efficiency or security.

I am a public defender because I care about Truth, Justice, the Constitution (and fuzzy puppies).